Monday, March 19, 2012

Chapter 35: The proper way

Chapter 35: The proper way (Wattpad)

Part I: 

The way back was quiet and peaceful. I drew my knees to my chest and put my arms around myself, back on the passenger seat. The engine was rumbling beneath us and the hard rain from later turned to a slight drizzle.

If only we had met under different situations. Completely different ones. But I paused in my thinking. If we had met under different circumstances, I probably wouldn’t know him like I do now. I don’t know if I should be glad about knowing that. I felt Sky’s gaze turn to me again while he was driving and I looked out of the car window.

“If you don’t quit looking at me, we’ll never see sunlight ever again. Ever hear the word ‘accident’ before?” He just chuckled and faced the bare road again. “There are no cars around. No traffic.”

“The road is wet, Mr. La Brea.”

He rolled his eyes at what I said. Such a prick. He responded “We’re almost at the main road, closer to the hotel. You better get ready.” I just nodded and grabbed my bags, shouldering one of the slings and tying Dash with my other hand. Then out of the blue, he asked, his tone serious – 

“Have you ever thought of Britain?”

Whoa. Where did that come from? I faced him, saw that he was still paying attention to the road and then I replied, “Sometimes. Why?”

He never took his eyes off the road as he said, “I’d like to take you there someday.” 

My heart melted at those words. I just smiled and didn’t bother replying – nothing can do justice to what he just said. For the duration of the way back to the hotel, I watched the landscapes turn into commercialized buildings and the increasing population of cars on the road. I thought of Britain. There was the Tower Bridge. The London Eye. The wonderful beaches. The royal palaces. The might castles, the massive cathedrals. The Big Ben. Me and Sky in Britain? 

In spite of the impossibility of it, I smiled at the picture it conjured up.

That would be life-changing.

           15 minutes later

The elevator dinged open and we stepped out with three other people. My whole body ached and my shoulders. They’re killing me. I almost groaned as Sky punched in the numbers on the hidden monitor and finally, we stepped in the room. I released Dash flopped down immediately to the sofa. This day had been extremely heavy.

Sky sorted out the baggage after closing and locking the door. Does he ever get tired? I lay properly on the sofa, but keeping my shoes off the mattress and I heard him make his way to me. He removed the backpack from my shoulders and next, he took off my shoes. I yawned then said to him, “That’s the kind of thing my mom would do.” He smiled and I put both of my feet on the sofa, incredibly relaxed in a while. He replied, “What? Fall for you?”

I pursed my lips to keep from smiling. “No. Treat me like a child, it you know what I mean.” He removed his own shoes and sat in front of me on the floor, our eyes on level and I pushed the sleeves of the polo all the way to my elbows. He told me, 

“I actually want to do something. But I don’t know whether you like it or not, so I’ll just ask your permission.”

My eyebrows drew together. This is a dangerous ground. What is he talking about? He continued saying, “I want to have you. The proper way.”

Oh my God.

“You mean – ”

“Courting you? Yes, most definitely.” 

I stared at him, looking for signs that he was joking.

He wasn’t.

I sat up, still looking at him. “Why would – you said that you don’t – ”

“That’s why I’m asking for your permission.” he said, licking his lips and he raised his eyebrows. “Please?”

My jaw fell to the ground. This is crazy. Absolutely crazy. I didn’t want this. I have no idea this would happen. I looked into his green eyes. “Are you sure? I really don’t – ”

He smiled and cut me off, “You don’t see what I see, don’t you?”

“See what?”

“That you’re a really beautiful person. Flaws and all.”

I smiled then shook my head. This situation is so fucking messed up. I bit my lip then replied, voice low. “I just don’t want you making decisions on temporary emotions – ”

“This isn’t temporary.” He said with such intensity in his eyes.

I sighed resignedly. “Let’s just give it a few more days, okay? I still need to…to sort things in my mind.”

“If you don’t feel the same way, you just have to say it.”

My head snapped up and I sat up. My eyes met with his. “It’s not that. It’s just – ”

“I won’t hold it against you. I just want to know so I’ll know what to do. Because I don’t. I don’t know what to do.” He said, his voice overflowing with emotions. I closed my eyes and covered my face with my hands. “That’s the problem. I don’t know, either.” What I heard next was silence. It was one of the loudest silences I’ve ever experienced. This is so complicated. I felt his hand close around my ankle and heard him say,

“I’m sorry. Never mind what I said.” 

I faced him again, seeing his sad eyes. Then he continued, “Forget everything I said.”


He smiled wistfully. “I don’t want to make this more complicated for you. I’m really sorry. Let’s just…” he breathed in deeply. “Let’s just not make this harder than it already is.”

I can’t think. I don’t know what to do. I have no idea what to say – I want to.

But I can’t.

Then I heard him say, I know I can’t have you.”

My heart broke into a million pieces.

            Part II: 

Waiting is painful. I know that. Forgetting is painful. I know that, too. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering. 

I’m having that right now.

I sank lower to the warm tub water. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s right from wrong anymore. My head throbbed and I sighed deeply. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. But right this second, it was hard to deny that I’ve fallen for those green eyes of his as well.

So what’s stopping me?

I put a hand to my forehead. Every fucking thing. It’s not right. We don’t have forever. We don’t have happily ever after. We don’t have anything. I looked up to the pristine white ceiling of the bathroom. It’s a relationship doomed before it even started. 

Either way, we won’t have each other.

All the more reason to fight for him.

I was jolted by that train of thought. I straightened my back, sorting my thought and staring at nothing in particular. The voice in my head sounded like my mother. 

It’s a long time since she dictated my decisions even in thought.

I sighed for the millionth time and almost smiled.

Mothers knows best.

           Part III: 

I combed my in front of the mirror as best as I could, to make myself look presentable. To be honest, I have no idea how to open the subject with him. I don’t know what to say. Or even how to act. Just go with the flow. I sighed, eyeing myself in a big white shirt and grey cargo shorts. I pushed the glasses higher up to the bridge of my nose and smiled a little.

Okay, I thought, putting the brush down and going outside the bathroom door. I didn’t bother with the slippers and checked on Dash. He was sleeping in his new spot and after I made sure that he was fine, I slowly went to the direction of the bedroom door. I pursed my lips as I took one last step and started opening the doorknob.

Only someone opened it from the other side.

I was startled a little bit when it opened and the look on his face showed that he hadn’t been expecting me, either.

He changed his clothes already and now he looked at me with deep, green eyes. 

It’s hard not to fall into them.

I smiled a little bit, pleased to see a smile of his own forming on his lips. He said, “I was just going to check on you. But then…” My smile widened. “I was just about to go in as well.” But he didn’t seem to be listening as he took one of my hands and held it, putting his forehead on mine. He said,

“It’s hard to hold back when I hold you like this, Ryne. It’s really hard.” Then he caught my other hand and held it likewise. He sighed, looking down. I did not make a sound as he slowly leaned in, getting closer and closer and finally, his lips captured mine. 

He was gentle and loving. Giving everything, yet expecting nothing in return. He put his hand at the back of my neck and put I put mine on his head and gripped his hair. He backed me slowly to the wall to the side of the doorway and I felt myself stopped by the hard wall. Now, he pulled back an inch and looked in my eyes, his expression surrendering. 

He looked down on the floor and gave a bitter chuckle. “I had no idea I would find you.” He said in a hoarse voice.

I bit my lip as he talked. I never felt like that before – his lips against mine were firm, not demanding and very sweet. I sighed and leaned my head back against the wall. It was everything I wanted and more.

I want more.

I felt his hands rubbing against my cheeks and I looked up. He told me in a still slightly hoarse voice, “And to think I was the one who told you to not make things more complicated.” He shook his head and I couldn’t resist touching his face and his yes looked startled then, the fleck of those green orbs shining.


I didn’t bothering answering but stepped forward and pressed his lips to mine. I felt him smiling and a drop of tear from his eyes fell to my cheek. I smiled as well, kissing his neck and pulling back to gaze at him. He gave a strangles laugh, put his forehead on mine once again as he faced me, and never taking his eyes off me. Then he said the three words that I realized I’ve been waiting for a long time.

              “I love you.”

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